What is a lie? Is it simply an untruth? Must a lie be only words that are said with the intent to mislead? What about what my sister and I call “Catholic lies?” It’s when you allow a person to be misled without having said anything at all. A lie by omission, if you will.
I found out last night that the BF has what he calls a “friend” out in NYC, who he may meet tonight for the first time. He had never told me about this “penpal” before. I told him I thought he is having an emotional affair (yet another affair that I’m gonna spend another week of sleepless nights trying to wrap my head around). He says she’s just a female friend, who he happened to share his thoughts about our relationship with. He says she’s just one of his music fans. I say, if she’s just a fan, shouldn’t your conversation/emails have stopped at music… why would you ever get into discussions about your relationships with other people and how miserable you are in them? And, btw, isn’t that how your affair with the ex-tress started? by comisserating about your relationship difficulties?
See, I guess I’m super old-fashioned that way. All I’ve ever told me friends about him is what a great guy he is, what a wonderful musician he is and a good dad to my kid….they don’t need to know that we have issues we’ve been trying to work out for years. It’s nobody’s business but ours. And, only he and I can work them out, so why bring other people into it?
He didn’t see my point of view. He considers them “friendships” (I don’t know how many of these friendships exist). So, we decided to leave it up to the therapist to decide.
One step forward, two steps back.
But, for each step backwards, my heart breaks more and more. And, I do not know how much stress and heartache it can withstand. You see, my love for him is deep. But, he tells me he’s not sure if he knows what love is. So, I ask him, how can he tell me that he loves me if he doesn’t know the meaning of “Love?”
Can a relationship so one-sided survive?