So, I’ve been considering starting a blog for a few weeks now.
But, I’m usually paralyzed by fear when I think about doing something where it’s necessary for me to put myself out there.
But, today… today’s the day.
Today, I ignore that lump in my throat (though that could be the virus) and that sinking feeling in my stomach (hunger perhaps?)
Guess I oughta get a snack just to make sure I really want to do this thing.
So, today I take the big jump and start a blog.
The process of getting to this point has not been easy for me.
I’m fully aware of what these blogs are — public diaries, for the most part.
And, it was a very private occurrence that has finally prompted me to take this leap. In fact, it was a very secretive one.
One month ago, yesterday, I got a heart-sinking phone call, from my boyfriend’s musical partner’s husband.
Yep. Turns out my wonderful bf and this man’s wife had an affair.
At this point, they’d already “stopped” the affair two weeks prior, when she got caught.
Let me pause here… in looking through other people’s blogs (not the career-type ones), the best-read and most-loved ones are full of positive thoughts/energy/whatever.
I didn’t want to have a blog to…. blah blah blah.. whine about the affair and whatnot.
I want to be inspiring and inspired, too.
So, this blog is not about my bitching. Nor is it an invitation to commisserate about the stupid things people do to their loved one.
I love my boyfriend. He really is a good person. He just did a bad thing.
And, I’m a good person, too, who truly believes in forgiveness (not there yet, mind you).
That being said, I won’t place blame nor take it. I am not ashamed of what happened.
I do know, now, that these things happen, but not without a reason.
We, my boyfriend and I, began to have problems within two weeks of when we started dating exclusively.
We have been trying to work it out for 4 1/2 yrs.
This affair is what finally broke us.
Actually, this affair is what finally is fixing us.
So, this blog is about… well, it’s about the process I’m going through to heal and to become the person I want to be and that the universe/God/whatever meant for me to be.
I want to share with you how, as I fall (and dwell in my anger, self-pity and whatever yuckiness comes to light), I will reach the heights of my full potential; to become self-actualized (as the books say).
I hope you can enjoy this upside-down journey with me.